Search
Close this search box.

Podcast

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone and be Seen

The comfort zone is undoubtedly cozy, hence the name.  “A Ship is always safe at shore but that is not what it was built for.” Albert Einstein. Today’s video looks at the fear associated with stepping out of the comfort zone and the beauty found of the other side of that fear.

s

Video Synopsis and Additional Links

I was recently talking to a good friend of mine who is an entrepreneur and has been running his own online business for the last ten years.

You see, my friend has gained success in building his business selling products online, and building a platform based on text and courses. In one of our conversations a few months ago, it was clear that he was really kind of stuck.

Even though his business was growing and he was getting more people involved, the fulfillment wasn’t being experienced. What came up was that he wanted to connect with people in a completely different way than he had been doing before. So he wanted to be able to do live videos.

Pushing Past the Fear

This right there, wanting to show up in a completely different way, is about changing up and going on to the next level! For him, the next level was the place around where he was stuck. He was asking himself: “Am I ready to be seen again? Am I ready to be seen in this light?”

What was showing up was: “Do I trust myself to just get in front of a camera, and have that be okay? I know when I write I’m able to sit down and edit and use the opportunity to cultivate an image of myself. However, but can I really go out in front of the people from the video and just express myself, share what is on my mind and really be seen?”

It wasn’t really about creating the video, but about, “Can I be seen?” It was about being able to start integrating that video into his business.

The Other Side of the Coin

We had a session discussing it and as I served him on it, he realized for himself that, part of his success comes from just following what works for him. Just letting go of all the heaviness around it. It got to the point where he finally got it: “I’ve done this before in multiple ways and multiple versions!”

I am happy because he was sharing his gratitude, what he has accomplished in the last few months. How phenomenon it has been as a result of being able to let go of a need to look a certain way, and actually just being seen along the way!

He did go ahead to create his first video, put it on YouTube, and has been growing his subscriber list on a regular basis! The text he puts on there now drives more people to those YouTube videos – more views and subscribers in the past months!

The Fruits of Living Past the Comfort

That isn’t even what excites me because that has been going on for months. What excited me was how he was able to once again experience what it is like to be a subject matter expert.

It is five months since we talked about the first video and what it took to be seen in a different way. It has come far beyond where that initial conversation started: it is more than just being seen but now he is able to create.

The reason I decided to share this with you, is because he said; “Niiamah, I’m so excited, every night that it is hard for me to go to sleep! I’m just so excited by the things I am doing.”

It wasn’t about him making the video, no, it was about whether or not he trusted himself to really be seen. Whether or not he trusted himself to go out and create, on the fly….to pursue a totally new way of being seen in the world.

Choosing to allow yourself to be seen

There is something there, about the trust area. I get it because there is that idea of how I am supposed to look. How am I supposed to make sure that when I show up in a new way I bring more of myself into the equation?

In his case, it was just the physical face, but for a lot of us, it is different things. For me, it is playing with speaking and sharing stories in a way that I haven’t done in the past. I’m playing with if I’m going to allow myself to be vulnerable enough here. He is playing with, the idea of living with the problem of living in the problem. (June didn’t understand the underlined part…)

Through that phone conversation, I got a chance to see what is on the other side of getting out of your comfort zone. Not even getting out of your comfort zone, but living outside of your comfort zone.

Consider this

You will allow more of yourself to be seen if you can allow yourself to let go.

Ask yourself: what would be different in your life, business, career if you were to get rewards:

  • Not in spite of who you are but because of whom you are
  • Because you gave people a chance to see you as you are stepping out of your comfort zone

I would love to start a conversation around it. It is important for a pioneer to be seen stepping out of our comfort zone.

  • We might be rejected
  • We might not be accepted
  • It feels very real when it is about your money, livelihood, and sense of being connected to other people

But then again: what if stepping out of the comfort zone and really being seen, brought you more abundance, connection, and joy?

Leave a comment down in the box below wherever you are.  On to your next frontier… Journey on!

Appreciating Inclusion by Appreciating Authenticity

Today’s video talks about Inclusion and authenticity and their importance in today’s society. Unfortunately, labels are used to define people despite who they are in their authentic self. The word appreciate is key here, it changes how we see both inclusion and authenticity.

Video Synopsis and Additional Links

The Word-Play in “Appreciate”

The word “appreciate” has a bit of word-play involved in its definition that is both useful and fun because it gets us to think a bit.

  • Appreciate as in recognize, celebrate or value something – What does it look like to appreciate, recognize, celebrate and value inclusion or authenticity?
  • Appreciate as in to grow in value (from the monetary perspective, tends to deal with investments) – What does it look like to appreciate inclusion and authenticity, to increase the value of inclusion and authenticity, to grow the worth of inclusion and authenticity?

How do these play together? What is interchange? What is the exchange?

Creating more Inclusive Environments

I am currently working with people and organizations to really capture the value that comes from diversity and inclusion; a lot of work is going to creating more inclusive environments.

I help people show up more unapologetically and this has led in the discovery that some of the organizations I work with have created an inclusive environment for their ‘diverse’ population but at the same time, they are not really getting any additional value from it.

This is because the people in these inclusive environments are not leveraging their uniqueness, their authenticity. Authenticity brings to life uniqueness or new ideas, thoughts or approaches in a way that adds value.

Making the Most of authenticity in Inclusive Environments

So, how can people make the most value from inclusive environments? How can organizations extract value from the conditions already created within inclusive environments?

It is true that there are spaces and organizations where it doesn’t feel inclusive, yet there is that person that comes into the space and decides to be authentic. I will call this person a lone pioneer, who is going out against the wilderness, against wild and rough terrain!

The Lone Pioneer and the Perceived Cost

It is up to the lone pioneer to remain steadfast in their authenticity because often times, there is a perceived cost to show up authentically.

So, I want to give us an opportunity to explore what it would look like to appreciate inclusion while appreciating authenticity. How do we grow the value of inclusion by helping our individual members to feel comfortable bringing out their authenticity?

This is as they show up in an authentic way within their teams or groups, within the environments of families and relationships.

My questions to you

  • In what areas have you created an inclusive environment where you’re not celebrating and recognizing and valuing authenticity?
  • Do those within your inclusive environment feel that they are their authentic self and not just their authentic self because their skin tone or sexual orientation or gender is at play, but because they are their actual authentic self?

As an example, one of the reasons I feel I was able to be successful for so long in the US is because I didn’t consider myself a black male. I wouldn’t allow labels to drive what I do.

When it comes to inclusion, it bothers me when people have to show up based on the labels used to define them. If you really want to extract my value, call me Niiamah; I am the most quirky person that you might meet, I am intense, I am intimidating, I am full of joy and I bring people together.

That has absolutely nothing to do with the color of my skin, my gender, or my sexual orientation. Now there are elements from all three labels that have characterized how I show up, however, to really extract the value from Niiamah, you really need to get into the authenticity piece.

What Emerges For You?

I will leave the following with you to think about;

  • See what emerges for you, and see in what areas we are looking at appreciating authenticity, so that we can appreciate to grow and value the inclusion
  • Play around with this – perhaps you will find it more interesting to look at it from the standpoint of how to appreciate/recognize/ value and celebrate inclusion in a way that appreciates and grows authenticity

I want my clients to understand, recognize and create the conditions for an inclusive environment and to get the return of that investment in their organizations.

For the individuals that I work with, to understand, recognize and create the conditions for them to be authentic, and for them to get the value, the return on that investment in themselves.

It is not easy to do and at the same time, it is a game that is worth playing. I would love to hear your thoughts and I would love to see how all these will fall for you.

Here’s to your next frontier…journey on.

First Establish the What before Getting Stuck on the How

You have a dream, a goal which aligns with every reason for your existence. You write it down and are motivated to see it into completion but you get stuck on the process. How do you get from the starting point to the end product? Today’s video talks about how to let go of the “how” the process and focus on the “what”  the end product.

Video Synopsis and Additional Links

Being a pioneer leader, I get to work with people who have huge visions and have achieved a traditional level of success.  The one question that comes up so often during interactions with different pioneers, regardless of its shape or form, is how.

You have an idea of the end result but you are stuck at the how to achieve it. Well, today I want to offer you something different, I’d love to offer you the question of what.

What vs. How

It is still early in the year and often, the huge vision for the year – the what – is in place. Many successful pioneers want to move on to the next step. The question then becomes how?

Having been a coach for a period of time now, I have found that the how is not straight forward. In fact, the question of how ends up being far more disempowering, than empowering.

I have recently been faced with the realization that it is the what and not the how that gets you to the next step of achieving your goals.

Launching a Community of Pioneers

Recently, I have been trying to launch a community for my pioneers and honestly speaking, this community has yet to exist in the form in which I would like. You see, I have been working with people on a one on one basis for over one and a half years now, a period within which they have had major breakthroughs and I have seen them achieve wonderful results.

Some of them have gone to take on new leadership roles within the organization. For the entrepreneurs, they have been able to bring in new clients based on who they are and not on an external projection of what they believe others would want from them.

Each of my pioneers has their own individual world, and I have had the opportunity to bring them together once in a while. In this regard, I have desired to bring them together in a community, and the question has been “how do I do it?”

In fact, so many how questions came to mind, how do I:

  • Get people to come to an event
  • Make sure I have people consistently coming in
  • Stay current and up-to-date
  • Make sure that I don’t lose my own integrity

With all these questions in mind, I delved into research for the answers by asking people for their thoughts. In the end, I didn’t know what help I needed or that I even needed the help.

The Realization of the What

After getting stuck at the how and opting to research for the answers, I was not getting anywhere until recently when I had a mind shift. I came to the realization that I was seeking approval from others:

  • That this community was necessary
  • Approval and permission from myself to create the community

The “what” was already in place, I knew what I wanted to build, and I just needed to do it!

I realized that all along, I was dwelling on the “how”, while it was really about the “what” that I should have focused on. What:

  • Do I want to build, not how do I want to build it
  • Impact do I want to have, and not how do I want to make the impact
  • Is the impact that I want people to have in my community of pioneers

My Offer to You

I finally did launch a community of a tight-knit group of pioneers who are being challenged even as they challenge each other. It is not as large as what I had in mind, it does not have the questions answered on how I’m going to get people in on a regular basis but at the same time, I have been able to scale it to something that works for me.

When I focus on what I see the community becoming, the how becomes irrelevant. This community is willing to see things differently now and grow through that instead of being alone and isolated.

That community is going to exist in different ways:

  • One-on-one coaching
  • Group coaching
  • Live events
  • Webinars

Consider This

Do you have a question you have been asking yourself that starts with how? Now consider the result if you just focused on what:

  • Do you want to build, create
  • Needs to be different for you
  • Is at its core
  • Are the elements that you wanted to include
  • Do you want yourself and others to feel as they are going through this year

Once you have those answers, that pesky how will take care of itself. I promise you that the community I am starting right now will not look the same a year from now. It is an accelerator and I am going to be accelerated as this community continues to be morphed into shape and co-created by every person who joins it.

Now I don’t know how, but I realize that I don’t need to know how this will happen, I just know what I am looking to create and from there I know I can create it.

Today take a few minutes to write down five things where you have been asking yourself the how question then change it into a what question.

If you would like to join our community of pioneers or would like to get the what question answered, or if you simply wish to share your thoughts, get in touch with me and we will take it from there.

Here is to your next frontier…journey on.

How big is Your Authenticity Gap?

Societal expectations can anchor us in a way that our authentic selves are hindered from emerging and flourishing. Today’s video talks of how to bridge the gap between the real you and the side you present to the world.

Video Synopsis and Additional Links

2019 is here and most of us have set goals we feel are within our reach or things that we aspire to do. Unfortunately, most of us never achieve our set goals and one of the reasons we fall short is caused by the size of our Authenticity Gap.

Lately, I have been brainstorming on this issue because I have experienced it firsthand based on my own experience and those of the pioneers I work with. These are go-getters who are focused on getting to their next level. They are at a point where they know they can accomplish anything but haven’t been able to get there. “Why is this?” I wondered, and then the word “Authenticity Gap” came into my radar.

What is the Authenticity Gap?

This is the difference between the two sides of a person. One side is the real you and the other is the side you present to the world. This difference could be brought about by the expectations presented by society. These societal expectations tend to suppress your true identity or passions. This prompts you to hide from your true self and instead you present a side which is “acceptable” by everyone else. In fact, these expectations might be self-imposed for various reasons:

  • The belief that this might be what we need to do in order to succeed
  • Avoiding conflict with the people around us because of who they think we are
  • The need to stay safe and be accepted in various settings

The divide caused by having a personal side and all these other varying sides causes more of a rent. This is the authenticity gap and it takes energy to maintain. Continuing on the same track will lead to a serious energy drain hence hindering any progress in anyone’s chosen paths.

Overcoming the Gap

It is important to set goals but as you do so consider the reason for your drive:

  • Are you doing it to fulfill other people’s expectations and maintain your projected image

OR

  • To bring out the real you

Which of the above will really fulfill your desires, you know; desires that are at your core?

My Message to You

Being authentic can be scary, I experience it every time I go live on air. Typically I don’t even go live until I feel a swarm of butterflies flutter in my stomach. That anxiety means I really need to show up at that very moment.

I am starting the “Pioneer of Asus”, a private community for pioneers who want to work on these challenges. It will be a place where people come and practice being more themselves on a regular basis. I know firsthand how difficult it can be to shed all the layers and remain authentic.

If you are interested in having support and looking into what your authenticity gap is, contact me now. Worry not if this doesn’t sound like what you need right now. Maybe you just want a chance to slow down and take a look at your values or practices and then go and reset your goals. I see you and I am interested in what we are able to create together. Get in touch with me and I shall walk with you on this journey.

This is to your next frontier… journey on.

The worth of being an Outlier

Wanting to belong is an ingrained human need. We all want to belong but unfortunately, society is vast with various groups presenting distinctions which only serve to divide us. Today’s video talks about the difference between outsiders and a new group known as outliers.

The other day I had a conversation with Yolanda Lee who opened my eyes to a very important distinction that up until this point I think I had been circling around but hadn’t been able to see.

In our conversation, she introduced to me something called the outlier syndrome. I believe this is something that she came up with on her own so I want to make sure all credit goes to her.

Today I would love to discuss some of the evolving distinctions that have shown up for me around outsiders versus outliers and Yolanda really got the ball rolling on that. I would like to just toss in one more distinction there which is an insider.

So consider these three terms:

  • Insider
  • Outsider
  • Outlier

I am bringing up all these within the context of diversity and inclusion because I have never been interested in participating in those kinds of conversations.

This has continued all throughout my professional life and I think that there is something that has become clearer as I look at the distinctions between outsiders and outliers.

So let’s dive into the definitions:

Insider

This is someone who really belongs to the majority of the group. It’s almost like they know the words in the clique’s language. They have the information and they get the benefits so on and so forth.

Outsider

This is someone who is clearly on the outside of the group. When I say clearly I don’t mean that facetiously, I mean that when you look at a group of people you can clearly see who’s on the inside and who’s not. The outsider has distinguishing features from the insiders of a particular clique even from a third-person perspective. These make it very clear what side someone is on.

Yolanda and I were talking about this and one of the things she brought up was that as an outsider you also have very high barriers to entry might even be impossible for you to ever become an insider.

I’ll use myself as an example here, as a black male; I will always be on the outside when it comes to white culture or being a white male. This is something you can see from a far, let’s just say that it is a particularly high barrier to entry. So those are typically the outsiders: a sense of identity or way of looking at a group of people from a third party vantage point and clearly distinguish what makes those people different from the majority.

Outlier

This is someone who can be described as one who feels as though they’re on the outside but to other people looking in they’re on the inside. I’ll give an example with myself: I had a career as an actuary and I also worked in tech and when I was in both of those fields I totally felt like I was on the inside.

Regardless of what I felt like, I was also reminded that in the entire industry only two to three percent of all people in that field were African-Americans. So I was an insider but at the same time I felt like an outsider and to others looking in, it might have seemed as though I was clearly on the inside.

The Woes of the Outlier

This is something that really resonated with me because quite frankly I think more than anything else I consider myself an outlier.

I’m now in Singapore where I am probably in the 0.2 – 0.3% of the population and at the same time, I have consistently found ways to be amongst the insiders in various ways.

I think when it comes to inclusion there’s a place that just feels off about it all because it feels as though it is centered around: how can we identify you as an outsider? What are the markers that make you an outsider in this group etc?

A Sence of not Belonging

I experienced while going to support women’s events and I have had other experiences trying to be a part of the group or event and not really knowing where my place is and then being told where my place is that’s the worst part.

Right now what I am interested in focusing my time, efforts and energy is in helping to elevate that conversation and give us a space to look at it from the place of the outlier. Honestly I feel that every single one of us is an outlier in some regard, every single one has something where they can contribute far more than the rest of their peers or the rest of the insiders.

From my own life experience and also with the people that I coach what I have seen is that as outliers because we’re still a part of the inside tribe in a sense there’s a pressure to conform. There’s a pressure to not outshine, to not really show that you’re an outlier because if you show too much that you are an outlier then you might actually escape the inside crowd and become a full-fledged outsider.

If you have been an outlier you know that you are outside of the inside group but you’re also outside of the outsiders, so neither really has a place that’s right for you.

The Importance of Outliers in Society

I realized that the work I do, my belief around creating world joy is really around allowing every single person to own their outlier status and bring that out in certain ways. Now I don’t need it to be just because I’m an outlier everyone else needs to be an outlier. I have a strong belief that we all have something very unique that we can contribute to our world whether it’s in our workplace or in our families.

It is my belief that if more outliers are able to show their colors and still remain in the data set we have an opportunity to elevate or to move forward the rest of the group. It’s from that perspective that I want to make sure that I’m at least calling out the difference between an outsider and an outlier.

If we can create space for those outliers to really be able to shine, succeed and to be able to bring in the unique contributions that an outlier has, well then those outliers can then go off and create more space. This would make it easier for the people who feel on the outside to realize that they aren’t alone as well and that there’s also a path there.

My Message to you

My hypothesis is that there are:

  • Insiders who would love to play their game as an outlier
  • Outsiders who love to remain as they are and also be on the inside
  • Outliers like me who have been in various situations where they are one of the few who would love to be able to bring in more of their own unique self in order to elevate the inside group

I am looking to elevate the conversation to a place where in any given situation regardless of who you are with you can feel that your unique contributions are actually not just included but are valued.

I’d love to hear your feedback on some of your challenges, the things in here that seem like new insights or maybe places where you’re like: “Niiamah this is just not even true”.

I don’t actually think that the efforts going forth to help Outsiders gain more status are misplaced, however, I do not think they are comprehensive. They aren’t yet at a place that can create an inclusive environment all throughout the process not just at the end result. We need to model what that looks like in our current world right now so that it can go forth and be scaled and brought into new lights at a larger level.

Engage me in the comments below and let’s see what comes up from the conversation.

Here is to your next frontier…journey on.

Creating a Safe Environment for Change

Change can be intimidating at times, a string of what-ifs creating a blinding curtain of fear. However, the fear of change can come from those around us.

Today’s video focuses on how we break away from the constraints of intimidation to embrace change.

Video Synopsis and Additional Links
There is no life without change. The real tragedy is that we are always fearful of change and resist it vehemently.Debashish Mridha

My wife recently made a decision to change her diet and exercise routines. Unfortunately, as she was making this change I was out there passively resisting it.

I wasn’t aware that I was doing it, but there were just certain things that I would conveniently choose not to hear or I would challenge just to see if she was open to the idea of falling off the path.

Not Ready for Change

What dawned on me was that her change was actually going to impact me, not because it meant that I would start eating different food.  What really came up for me was that if she was going to change, then there was no reason why I couldn’t change myself and I wasn’t really ready for that. So in essence, I was resisting that change.

The Obstacles

I love to think of myself as an amazing husband so it’s not fun to go out and share this but at the same time, I know that it serves.

So I want to bring this up for you and ask you where you might be resistant to change: perhaps because you’re not necessarily ready for it or something else is hindering you.

Then on the other side maybe it is a resistance to change that someone else might have brought upon you. What is that one area where you’re looking to make a change, but you are either afraid of someone resisting it, not respecting it or supporting you along the change that you are making?

It might also be the fear that others might look or treat you differently because they are somehow impacted whether they’re aware of it or not.

I love to just leave this here for you to spend some time thinking through and tell me some of the thoughts that come to you and we can continue to explore it.

Change is a Pioneer’s Way of Life

As a pioneer, change is part of the game: it is what we do, we change the status quo, we go on and forge a new future for ourselves and for those that we lead.

So it is important to understand some of the challenges that are keeping us from making that change. We need to proactively spend our energy toward creating the change that we’re looking to do and toward making it safe along the process.

Questions for you

  • What can you do in either of those cases where there’s something that you’re resisting or you’re afraid that others will resist?
  • What can you do to make it safe for those looking into change?
  • What can you do to help them know or make it safe for yourself as well?
  • How do you restore safety in this place where we might be finding resistance to change?

Consider these as questions to live into and share any insights in the comments.

Here’s to your next frontier… Journey On!

Want to join our Melting Pot conversations in Fall of 2022?

Put in your email to join the waitlist and be the first to know about our Melting Pot conversations

Want to see your world in a different perspective everyday?

Put in your email to receive daily emails with a powerful distinction to challenge and elevate your thinking!

Looking for clarity and confidence? What you need even more is COURAGE

Put in your email to get this 5-day mini quest to support you being more courageous!